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Boomers asked for it, and boomers get what they want. So they got a younger voice to pipe up about the concerns of the younger generation--but only to pipe up, not advocate for actual change, because that won't get the "right people" elected, of course, to get the "wrong people" out of Wall St., corporate lobbies, etc. Nonetheless, here are articles, investigations, and memes that hopefully serve as a safari of sorts through the Serengeti of Young Person Thought. I'm Millennial in name, but Gen Z in practice (Boomers can't be expected to learn ANOTHER phrase from this bottomless terminology spewing from the Radical Left these days, right?)...ANYWAY, welcome to my...

Resident Millennial Dispatches

Local AA Leader Shares Concerns About Nation’s Mental Health Crisis

Tallahassee, FL—Don Pickles, the leader of Tallahassee’s largest AA group, has been coming to meetings with the all-too-familiar weight of addiction on his shoulders for the past 11 years. But now, he sees that burden taking on a new form in the rapidly expanding group. “I know times are tough,” he says peering over a…

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Genius Figures it Out: No One Cares Anymore. Not A Single Person. Nada.

St. Petersburg, FL—Local genius Ed Tiller has spent his life devoted to mathematics. Harvard undergrad, Yale grad, Oxford grad grad, Tiller has addressed some of the most difficult conundrums of his field. Following the 2016 election, he began a new project: to scientifically prove that no one in America gives a shit. “It was a…

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Area Dropout Psyched for the Next Big Breakdown

Somerville, MA—Returning from yet another failed interview, local dropout Tom Dunne now feels prepared to take on his next nervous breakdown. “You know, I’ve been working toward this for a long time, and I’ve never felt better about my prospects of sobbing in public at a moment’s notice.” When he dropped out after his sophomore…

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10 Things Everyone Should Give Their Mistress for Christmas

You met her at the C terminal bar in LAX. Now you love her, and she’s one of the few embodiments of the life you wished you led. You’re living in a George Clooney movie, so be a George Clooney: read this list and get her the things every woman dreams of… 1. A Subscription…

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LOCAL MAN FAILS TO READ FINE PRINT, SOLD TO HIGHEST BIDDER

Madison, WI—Only a few months ago Jay Fairfield, 29, had just begun to get his life together. He’d finally found a steady job with good health insurance, he’d figured out a plan to pay off his monumental student loans, and he’d recently learned about the birth of his nephew. “I was feeling like life was…

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